celebrity shockers Archives - Page 5 of 7 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Celebrity Shockers

Tom Cruise South Park Scientology Episode Outed Here

philmaggitti celebrity shockers, Tom Cruise 20 years

NEW YORK – Tom Cruise, whom no one has ever accused of being self-deprecating, threw a tantrum when he learned that Comedy Central was planning… Read More

Celebrity Shockers food

Nicole Richie Campaigns for Food Warning Labels

Chip Hilton celebrity shockers, food 20 years

HOLLYWOOD – Nicole Richie, a celebrity not particularly known for her social conscience,or her interest in food, has asked California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to become… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Tom Cruise Sues Life & Style over Split Story

Biff Scuzzy celebrity shockers, Tom Cruise 20 years

Tom Cruise has filed a $10-million lawsuit against Life & Style magazine for reporting that he and fiancée, Katie Holmes, called off their engagement sometime before Valentine’s… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Tom Cruise Nixes Katie Holmes Love Scene

philmaggitti celebrity shockers, Paris Hilton, Tom Cruise 20 years

PARK CITY, Utah – Tom Cruise put the scissors down on his fiance Katie Holmes’ steamy love scene in Jason Reitman’s Thank You for Smoking, a… Read More

Mariah Carey to Tom Cruise, 2005 Bytes

philmaggitti Britney Spears, celebrity shockers, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Tom Cruise 20 years

Not for nothing did Marah release an album this year entitled If You Didn’t Laugh, You’d Cry. It was that kind of year, people, a… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Tom Cruise Buys Katie Holmes Birthday Toys, Exclusive Pictures

Chip Hilton celebrity shockers, Tom Cruise 20 years

NEW YORK – What does an older man buy his trophy wife for her birthday? A gasoline-powered Audi Cabrio ride-on car, a giant piano, and… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Tom Cruise Pitching Brokeback Mountain Prequel

Chip Hilton celebrity shockers, Tom Cruise 20 years

HOLLYWOOD – Tom Cruise, who reportedly turned down the role of Jack Twist in Brokeback Mountain, is quietly angling to play Twist’s gay ranch cook in… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Tom Cruise Fires His Sister over Antidepressant Use

Chip Hilton celebrity shockers, Tom Cruise 20 years

HOLLYWOOD – Scientologist Tom Cruise fired his sister and publicist, Lee Anne DeVette, yesterday after he had learned she is taking Lexapro, a popular antidepressant.… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.