philmaggitti, Author at Postcards from The Pug Bus

A black and white portrait of Brittany "Bison Whisperer" Jenkins. She is smiling broadly and holding a smartphone up to take a selfie. She wears a wide-brimmed adventure hat and a stylish outdoor vest. A massive bison looms directly behind her.

"Don't get too close, Bart. Bart!"

Obituary: Brittany “Bison Whisperer” Jenkins – Gone but Not Forgotten (Mostly)

philmaggitti cultural comentary 4 months

BISON CHRONICLE, Yellowstone National Park – It is with a sense of… well, a sense of something… that we announce the untimely departure of Brittany… Read More

An illustration titled "CHRISTMAS DISASTER" showing a frazzled, middle-aged man with messy hair and a dirty apron using a large chainsaw to carve a whole roasted turkey in a chaotic kitchen, perfectly capturing the theme of Christmas Horoscopes and holiday stress.

Black & Decker to the rescue!

Horoscopes

Christmas Horoscopes 2025: Your Holiday Disaster Predictions

philmaggitti horoscopes 4 months

♈ Aries (March 21–April 19) The planets have exposed the fact that you are a loudmouthed victim of your own hubris. You said, “We could… Read More

A minimalist, high-contrast illustration of a Keith Richards birthday celebration in which Keith is juggling three flaming guitar picks against a clean, pale background.

Eighty-two years of cheating death, now he is just showing off by juggling fire.

Book of Daze

Book of Daze: Keith Richards Birthday

philmaggitti bookof-daze 4 months

Keith Richards is eighty-two years old today. At this point, Keef is not just an old, haggard human being; he is a biological glitch, a… Read More

A chaotic, satirical cartoon set against a white background. In the center, a floating laptop displays a search history window with embarrassing queries like "how to fake your own death" and "can you eat a cactus if you are brave enough." Surrounding the laptop are various zodiac-inspired characters in a state of panic.

Your search history is the star witness in the trial of your life, and honey, the jury thinks you are absolutely pathetic.

Horoscopes

Your Horoscopes Determined by Your Search History

philmaggitti horoscopes 4 months

Your search history is not just a digital trail of your fleeting curiosities. It is a roadmap to your eventual incarceration. When the prosecutor stands… Read More

Illustration of returning Christmas presents: a pile of unwanted gifts including sweaters, books, and a candle with price tags still attached and return receipts sticking up like white flags of surrender.

Opened me last,

Top Ten Lists

Ten Lame Excuses for Returning Christmas Presents

philmaggitti top ten lists 4 months

Returning Christmas presents is a time-honored tradition. Legend has it that the very first returned gift was frankincense, deemed “too fragrant” by the recipient who… Read More

A surreal, satirical illustration featuring a sentient, ornate golden toilet with a grumpy face and lion-head armrests, leaking a river of liquid gold onto a marble floor. Standing knee-deep in the golden flood is a gaunt, distressed aristocrat resembling the Duke of Marlborough, clutching a framed plaque that reads "Faithful though Unfortunate." Through a shattered window in the background, the grand Blenheim Palace is visible under a twilight sky, with a waterfall of gold pouring from its stone walls. The wallpaper is covered in faint, mocking scribbles of aristocratic buzzwords.

A sentient golden toilet that later staged its own heist to escape the "trickle-down" rot of British nobility.

News

The Duke of Marlborough’s Golden Toilet Legacy

philmaggitti news 4 months

I, The Duke of Marlborough’s golden toilet, was born in a furnace at 1,948 degrees Fahrenheit, then forged into a literal gleaming throne of excess,… Read More

A retro style illustration depicts a joyful orange tabby cat standing in a blue litter box. The cat is kicking up a cloud of litter that transforms into a cosmic swirl of stars, crescent moons, and zodiac symbols against a pastel sky. The text at the top reads Feline Horoscopes: The Litter Box of Destiny in a bold, vintage font.

Stop looking for meaning in the clouds and start looking for it in the litter box, where your life and this forecast currently reside.

Horoscopes

Feline Horoscopes: The Litter Box of Destiny

philmaggitti horoscopes 4 months

Hark. The heavens have shifted and the universe has finally decided to speak through creatures that actually matter. Thus, these feline horoscopes. Do not come… Read More

Satirical illustration showing a distressed man in pajamas receiving a nonsensical feed of goats, tractors, and errors from a giant surveillance eye, symbolizing Algorithm Anxiety Day.

Your life is now sponsored by used tractor parts and existential dread.

Book of Daze

Book of Daze: Algorithm Anxiety Day

philmaggitti bookof-daze 5 months

Today we observe Algorithm Anxiety Day, the mother of all modern holidays. This is the day each year when we acknowledge the cold, indisputable truth:… Read More