The Pug Bus News Desk
The Pug Bus News Desk catalogs the ongoing collapse of public dignity, decency, and social media. We describe current events, add a few random cheap shots, and call it a public service. Some stories are exaggerated for satirical effect. Others arrived already demented. The truth is what it is; we just twist the knife.
š¦“The Latest News
These may not be our best work ever, but they are for damn sure the newest dispatches from a world in flames.
Neighborhood Watch Mandates Dog Walking Permits
Local HOA Approves New Rituals for Casting Spells
Sidewalk Diplomacy: Mayor Brokers Peace at Ye Olde Bun Shoppe
AI Emotional Support Animals Welcome on Budget Airlines
HS Student Graduates with GPA High Enough to Qualify for a Mortgage
Local Town Council Votes to Ban Public Complaints
Local School Board Adopts Magic 8āBall DecisionāMaking System
Signs the End of the World Is Still Not Near
Local HOA Adopts Five Buddhist Precepts, Still Arguing About Trash Cans
National Association of Former Gifted Children Demands Medals
š¦“Animal News
Covering wildlife, pets, and the increasingly uncomfortable overlap between two-legged and four-legged behavior.
The Most Embarrassing Animal Parts We Still Eat
Bidens New Dogs. WTF?
Mistakes Experts Make When Reading Canine Behavior
š¼Business News
Reporting on capitalism as it reinvents old scams using newer fonts and subscription models.
Merchants Extend Limited-Time Only Indefinitely
Nationās Most Influential Thought Leader Is Guy With Podcast in a Truck
Silicon Valley Discovers Ancient Financial Concept Called āDebt,ā Ruins It
The Morning Forecast Affair: An Alexa Satire
šļøGovernment News
Tracking public institutions as they continue operating with undeserved confidence and deeply confusing priorities.
Unfinished Projects Division of the FBI Launches DoorātoāDoor Audit
USPS Introduces a New Class of Mail: Unsent Letters
Federal Recall Issued After Expired Leftovers Become Sentient
Floridaās English-only Driving Exam
President Threatens England with Economic Ruin over āMagastarā
The Last Mile of Virtue Signaling: An Adopt-a-Highway Map
The Bus Ticket Flim Flam: A Civic Evasion in Three Acts
The Gilded Palace of Spin: President Trumpās White House Changes
Roadkill Management Program Debuts in Pennsylvania
Every Stateās America 250 Time Capsule Contributions
šHistorical News
Revisiting the past to confirm that people have always been irrational, vindictive, and weirdly ambitious.
The Last Human With Phone Notifications Turned On Finally Located
The Duke of Marlboroughās Golden Toilet Legacy
The Dirty Little Secret of Every State
Deranged Landmarks: A Satirical US Atlas
šLocal News
Reporting on neighborhood tensions, municipal oddities, and the fragile social contracts barely holding suburbia together.
County Library Introduces Quiet Hour Enforcement Drone
Courtesy Clap Enforcement Begins in Willow Brooke
Neighborhood Group Chat Slowly Radicalizes Itself
Local Springfield HOA Votes to Secede
Regional Transit Authority Debuts Emotional Support Bus Drivers
The 911 Calls Hall of Fame
Todayās Obituaries: The Death of Nuance
Local Town Rebrands Itself as Wellness Destination
Local HOA Enforces Mandatory Paint Color Ordinance
šPersonal News
A place for the stories that affect ordinary people directly, or at least inconvenience them in highly specific and memorable ways. Personal News covers developments in the private lives of citizens, families, coworkers, neighbors, and other individuals whose decisions somehow become everybody else’s business.
Nationās Introverts Exhausted by the Need to Explain Introversion
The Five Stages of Self-Deception Identified
Most Personal Growth Occurs After Winning an Imaginary Argument
Most People Only One Inconvenience Away From Starting a Podcast
š¬Scientific News
Reporting on breakthroughs, studies, and peer-reviewed nonsense that confirms what nobody needed confirmed.
The National Weather Service Introduces Emotional Forecasts
Scientists Confirm Most Couples Held Together by a Shared Password
Your Brain Is No Match for a Catās Brain Chemistry
Americaās Dumbed Down Youth: With 40% Less Brain Per Serving
Deaths from Weighted Blankets on the Rise
AMA Dropping Elitist Foreign Names for Phobias
Biden Vows to Investigate Alarming Rise in GPS Malfunctions
šļøSurreal News
Documenting the slow psychological unspooling of modern civilization one completely plausible headline at a time.
The Nationās Shadows Form Shadow Government
Load Management in Everyday Life
Most Americans Maintain a Long-Term Feud Known Only to Themselves
Does Your Third Eye Need Glasses?
When Trees Communicate About Humans (Itās Not Pretty)
Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue to Feature First Mormon Cover Model
Meditation Secrets the Gurus Do Not Want You to Know
Amazon Prime Afterlifeā¢: Subscription Metaphysics
Hospital Asks ER Patients to Describe Symptoms Using Metaphors
Subscription Service Introduces Premium Plan for Services Youāre Already Paying For
To wade into all the red-hot news dispatches click here. You’ll be sorry you did.